


haven’t you heard what becomes of curious minds?

by myillusionsgone



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Aftermath of brainwashing, Gen, aka Nirvana in this case, and should be treated that way, let me explain you a thing, mentions of attempted murder, namely why Sherry Blendy is the queen of everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-02-28 20:03:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2745266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myillusionsgone/pseuds/myillusionsgone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, it is not so easy to clean one’s hands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	haven’t you heard what becomes of curious minds?

 

> _He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you. (Friedrich Nietzsche)_

The doctor had said that there was nothing of Nirvana left inside of her but Sherry was not so sure about this because even countless showers later, she felt like she had been stained with something  _very_  dark because Nirvanahad invaded her mind, had pulled the  _very essence_  of who she was out of her and had twisted it before stuffing back into her head. And she was not stupid, she knew that there was no way something –  _anything_  – could take her brain in play like this and turn her into the antithesis of everything she had ever been and she would walk away from it just fine.

Something had happened to her, something had changed her.

And it was long overdue that people accepted it, that people noticed that she was not the woman she had been beforehand.

There was more blood than before on her hands now, blood she could not wipe off.

It did not matter to her that Gray Fullbuster had survived her attempt on killing him, on making him pay for a death that had never happened in the first place. She had been willed to kill him, had wanted to see him broken and lifeless. She had claimed otherwise but she remembered how she had felt when he had gone done, when she had thought that he had died.

She had felt  _good_  about it.

Or better said, the twisted version she had become once this horrible magic had reached her had felt good about the man’s ‘death’. And this was something she could not deny although she avoided to talk about it – something that worked extraordinarily well because she had somehow succeeded in lying to Jura, in making everyone think that she did not remember what had happened while Nirvana had been in control of her actions.

And it still frightened her how easy it had seemingly been for this magic to possess her. Of course, there had been little of her left that could have resisted. She had despaired the very moment she had realised what Lyon had done; it had crushed her because after all those years, she would never have thought that she would see him die.

(Now, she felt differently.  
Now, she  _knew_  that she would be the last to die.)

And while there had been something inside of her that would have felt bad about hurting Gray Fullbuster in a non-possessed state, she knew that there had been no such inhabitations when it came to Lucy Heartfilia. Even now, she could not say that she cared much about the blonde’s wellbeing.

(Because the idiotic girl was a liar, was a fool.)

(As if Sherry would not have found out that she had been out of magic when she had claimed that she could destroy one of the lacrimas.)

(As if Sherry would not realised that this idiot girl had nearly killed them all out of  _pride_.)

It was still frightening to be shown how easy it was for a powerful kind of magic to wipe away everything that made a person unique and especial and to twist it around until the person was no longer who they had been before. And it was especially chilling to realise that there was no way to defend oneself against it.

She knew that she was no longer the one she had been before she had been sent off to this assignment and she wished that someone would call her out on this, that someone would stop her from running away from the consequences of what had occurred.

Jura knew her too well to be blind to what was happening with her and he had been there once when she had been spinning out of control after the full force of her parents’, of her family’s death had hit her and she been reduced to little more than a whimpering mess wrapped into a seven-year-old girl’s body. He had been there for her then, had patiently pieced her back together without ever changing who she was inside. He had understood the impact this event had had on her, had realised that no matter how well she could pretend to be a well-adjusted child, she had not been a child since the day her hometown had burned.

Nirvana had driven her out of her own head, had corrupted her sanity. It had made her question herself in a way that should never have been necessary. And the most problematic effect that had lingered was that she could no longer trust her own mind. She hardly slept because the fear of being taken over again was etched into her brain.

Of course, they had won but the price had been too high and it made her feel ill that no one but her seemed to think about this. Yes, it had been all fun and games for the morons Fairy Tail had sent off to battle an ancient magic but they had walked away more or less unscathed.

Their Requip mage had kept her arm, their Celestial Spirit mage had gotten more keys.

The ones who had paid the price had been others, as usual.

It had been the little dragon slayer who had lost her family and it was Sherry who felt like she had lost her mind.

(But history was written by the victors and they did rarely tell the truth about how triumph had been bought, who had to carry the weight of the consequences.)

There had been no happy ending in this crisis for Sherry although she had walked away with her guild mates alive and a prospect for a new romance – a romance that would be a desperate attempt on hiding from what had become of her, not that she could admit this – and she knew that she would always feel like spinning around without having any control about what was happening.

(And everyone knew how much she cherished control over her actions; it was a desire that had been manifested in her magic.)

She had fallen off her track and now, she was alone with no one to take her hand and bring her back home because no one had noticed that she was gone. Everyone thought that the one who walked next to them was the same mage who had battled alongside them for years.

(And no one looked for someone who was not even missing.)

> _I reached for you but you were gone, I knew I had to go back home. You search the world for something else to make you feel like what we had_   
>  _and in the end in wonderland we both went mad. — (Taylor Swift,_ **_Wonderland_ ** _)_

 


End file.
